


you'd set a fire in me

by fireundertheashes



Series: if you're lonely, wake me [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Multi, also posted on Tumblr, it's been literally five months i'm so sorry, this part is Finn-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-06-06 04:26:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6738184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireundertheashes/pseuds/fireundertheashes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With the Resistance there are suddenly so many new unknowns. Finn is treated with a level of respect he has never experienced before, and suddenly he has choices to make.  He doesn't have to stay, he can go wherever he wants, whenever he wants. For a short while Finn considers this - he can still make for the Outer Rim, satisfy his fear at the expense of his conscience - but he knows that he won’t, not while he knows the First Order will stop at nothing to achieve their goals. Not while he knows that Rey is out there, thrown into the middle of the fray with an uncertain destiny. </p><p>He has so much he wants to protect right now, if he can make some small measure of a difference in the fight, Finn resolves to do it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you'd set a fire in me

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry about the delay, I fell out of fandom for a while... Hope you enjoy it!

Altogether Finn’s recovery isn't nearly as long as it could have been. There is no doubt in his mind, however, that at this point he is probably running on a negative allocation of luck. He convalesces for a few days after he finally ( _finally_ ) wakes up before he is allowed to move around mostly unaided.

Rey is gone but a constant feeling deep inside his heart comforts him. She’ll come back. Stronger, more fierce, more beautiful than ever.

But until then it's back to business. Or it would be had he not suddenly been thrust into a world he didn't yet fully understand.

Growing up a Stormtrooper was a myopic life at best. Unquestioning loyalty to the Order, the ability to follow orders without hesitation, military precision in all things, that was all Finn needed to know. All he needed to be was a pawn in a game of intergalactic holochess.

A designation, not a name. A soldier, not a person.

With the Resistance there are suddenly so many new unknowns. Finn is treated with a level of respect he has never experienced before, and suddenly he has choices to make. He doesn’t have to stay, he can go wherever he wants, whenever he wants. For a short while Finn considers this - he can still make for the Outer Rim, satisfy his fear at the expense of his conscience - but he knows that he won’t, not while he knows the First Order will stop at nothing to achieve their goals. Not while he knows that Rey is out there, thrown into the middle of the fray with an uncertain destiny.

He has so much he wants to protect right now, if he can make some small measure of a difference in the fight, Finn resolves to do it.

He's never been as welcomed anywhere as he is on D’qar, and it throws him for a loop when he thinks too hard about it.

Then again, he'd never had much cause to interact with other people. The First Order didn't create soldiers to be particularly interesting or funny, only to obey. There was camaraderie, but Finn couldn't say if he much thought of the other ‘troopers as friends, if he was ever part of the nicknames and jokes. Lunch hour wasn’t for conversation, just eating, in a mess hall that was cold and clinical and generally unpleasant in which to spend any extended period of time.

In this, the Resistance is the exact opposite. The first time he walked into the Resistance’s cafeteria with Poe at his side, when the realities of Starkiller base were setting into everyone’s hearts, it had been muted. Conversations were low and mostly sober, people eating and then getting back to whatever business they had to handle ahead of their planned attack.

Finn hadn’t felt much like eating, too worried for Rey, for the imminent danger everyone was literally about to fly into, but in the end he hadn’t had much of a choice with Poe pushing a full tray into his hands before setting him at a table and pretty much staring at him until he ate.

Now that the immediate danger has passed, the mood in the whole base is buoyant and the mess hall is almost always a riot of sound. The first time Finn made his own way to it, he had sat for ten minutes before it became too much and he had to retreat for a little peace and quiet.

Truth be told, without Rey there with him, he can’t help but feel a little detached from it all. Poe tries to include him with some of the other X-wing pilots and they’re a great time all round, but in his heart and his stomach, Finn just feels like an interloper.

Like an ex-Stormtrooper in a rebel’s jacket.

Semi-literally. He still has Poe’s jacket, unwearable as it is. Even with the new clothes that had been secured for him, even scorched and torn and still smelling like sand and smoke. Something in his mind is fixated on it.

Which is ridiculous, isn't it? It was just a jacket, and part of him still thinks of it as Poe’s jacket. But if he is being honest with himself, something that he's only just gotten the hang of, that was part of the appeal.

Poe wasn't there when Finn woke up the first time. Not surprising because it was well into the early hours of the morning and Finn was barely lucid enough to even answer the basic questions the med staff asked him. No, he wasn't there at first, but he was there the next time when Finn could open his eyes for longer than a few minutes.

The overwhelming urge to leap up from his bed and embrace the other man had only been tempered by the stiffness in his arms, the dull-sharp throb of pain in his back that had yet to abate. Quick movements were not an option and would not be for some time.

Poe, for his part, looked as if he was having as much difficulty holding back as Finn was - his smile full and blinding.

Finn's first instinct was to ask after Rey, and the resulting grin he got was a little unexpected. So full of fondness.

“She's gone to find Luke Skywalker.”

And that opened up a whole new slew of questions that he could have asked, yet all Finn could do was breathe in relief.

He would ask later, and Poe would answer all he could.

Finn, for his part, had the slightly odd sensation of being left out when Poe spoke of Rey, like he was missing out on an inside joke. It nagged at him sometimes.

Especially when it became clear that Poe knew things about Rey that Finn didn't. That really didn't sit well with him.

It was hard not to call it jealousy, though Finn had the curious experience of there being a measure of pride in there too. Glad that his two favourite people had found common ground, but envious that he had not been there during the foundation of this connection.

Finn is given a room not too far from Poe’s, ostensibly to give him some familiarity during this incredible continental shift in his life and support with his injury, though Finn largely takes to roaming the halls on his own. Slowly.

And during this he can think without the distraction of escaping, or certain death, or _Poe and Rey._

Because that's all that really fills his head these days. They're both so strong, and kind, and beautiful, and Finn can't reconcile the depth of his feeling for both of them. It's almost the same. Almost.

He thinks he probably should figure it out before he does or says anything stupid.

It's two weeks later when Finn is standing shoulder to shoulder with Poe, talking to General Organa and a bunch of other Resistance big-wigs. Telling them what he can of the workings of The First Order. He starts by outlining their methods of training, the hierarchy, and the daily workings on the ground.

But the more he talks, the more questions he's asked that he cannot answer, the more useless he feels. Poe’s shoulder presses into his more than once when he can feel his frustration building, and it simultaneously soothes Finn and makes him tense. But he focuses on his words, making sure they all come out in the right order.

Eventually the meeting ends. Poe cups Finn's shoulder in his hand before nodding to General Organa and taking his leave not long after the impromptu council has disbanded.

“Tell him,” says General Organa, apropos of nothing.

Finn summons all of his intelligence to reply “huh?”

“Dameron,” she nods in the direction that he departed. Finn feels like he's been dunked in ice water. Has his dilemma been so obvious? “This is a war, Finn, there are no certainties. I recommend you take every opportunity to find yourself some happiness.”

Sadness washes over him, both his and General Organa’s. Loss is still such a new concept to him, and Finn would give anything to unlearn the feeling.

“I...”

“Trust an old woman. It's best not to have regrets.”

“But... Rey,” He manages to say. “What about Rey?”

General Organa takes a moment to look at him before something visibly clicks in her mind. Then she just looks pleased. More pleased than Finn has ever seen her.

“I don't think you'll have to worry about that.”

Before Finn can ask her what she meant, she nods in a way that implies that he's dismissed and he reacts instinctively.

He's halfway to his room before he even realises he’s moved.


End file.
